Week 48

Dear Zayde,


This week I learned that I can get my parents to do some hilarious things with their mouths. On Tuesday, I started with the "making raspberries" trick, but this time I stuck out my tongue at the same time so that I could effectively spray saliva onto whatever - or whomever - was nearby. After just one attempt, I had Mommy doing it, too, and that night Daddy joined in, as well. I have to hand it to them: they learn quickly. The next day, I decided to up the ante by making a similar
"pblpblpbl" sound with the aid of my hand running up and down my face. Lo and behold, by that evening, both of my oh-so-predictable parents were mimicking me. (They tend to use only one finger to move only their lips, but I still prefer a full-face/full-hand approach.) Emboldened by the previous days' successes, I went for the gold on Thursday: I smacked my lips. Puckering up and pressing my lips together creates the most wonderful kissing sound, and when I suck in my cheeks first (creating a sort of fishy-face), the sound can carry across the room. Sure enough, after just one demonstration of lip-smacking how-to, my obedient parents were following suit. How adorable is that?

By Friday, I was so impressed with my parents' progress that I decided to throw them a bone. For months, they've been trying to make me clap. Now, you and I both know that just because I don't do something doesn't mean that I can't do it; it's just that I have a very busy schedule and can't go around performing new tricks to entertain the masses all the time. Besides, clapping should be a celebratory gesture that denotes an above-and-beyond performance. During lunch that day, I finally felt that the time was ripe for a round of applause. While munching, I thought, "gee, this tofu is so delicious that I must express my pleasure with a hand gesture that creates noise." And I did. Mommy seemed shocked. Then she clapped, too. Then we clapped together. Oh, what a joyous sound! It was the perfect crescendo after fours days of nonstop parental training. Who says you can't teach old folks new tricks?

Speaking of getting older, this week I learned that completing a rotation around the sun is cause for celebration. I attended my friend Quinn's first birthday party, and I had a grand time. There were large trays of food, lots of people smiling, kids running around in the park, music playing, and oodles of balloons. The best part was the homemade baby ball pit, where I reigned supreme as the Keeper of All The Colors. While in the pit, I learned that I could coerce the older boys to give me the balls they were holding with nothing more than a reaching hand and a coy smile. I'm not sure how useful this new skill is right now, but I have a feeling it will come in handy someday.

Once every twelve months, apparently, each and every one of us gets to throw a party in honor of the day we were born. I don't remember a lot about my first day on the outside, but I do recall that I didn't do nearly as much work as Mommy. For my birthday next month, I think that we should throw a party in honor of Mommy's blood, sweat, and tears instead of celebrating my inevitable arrival. We should sing epic odes to her bravery and light fireworks to herald her fortitude as we parade through town atop white horses trailing a hundred feet of multicolored garlands.

Or everyone could eat cake and watch me rip open presents. That would be fun, too.


With cause for applause,
Zelda

Weel 47

Dear Zayde,


This week I learned how to push my voice to its upper limits. Mommy calls it "screeching," but Grandma refers to it as the ungodly sound reminiscent of a pterodactyl rehearsing for its audition at a Chinese opera house. I've found that the best times to make this sound are when Mommy is on the phone or when her ears are very close to my mouth. Her reaction is priceless; I had no idea her eyes could roll so far back into her skull.

This week I also learned that being awake late at night is not just for newborns. Even almost-toddlers can enjoy the ambiance of the wee hours while playing, eating, and crying. The truth is, I have been doing this for a reason. (Mommy thinks I'm just teething, but there's more to the story.) I thought that if I could just postpone bedtime long enough, I would be awake when Daddy got home. However, it's hard to stay awake past 10:00 p.m., so I've been dozing during my usual bedtime for an hour or two and then waking up before midnight for a second try at waiting for Daddy. The trick is to wait until Mommy is in bed with the lights off. That's my cue to let her know I'm ready for another round of daily (and nightly!) fun.

This week we all learned that I'm tall enough to reach the piano keys, the top of the dining room table, the bottom of the window blinds, and the cable box. As I write this, Mommy is moving things to higher shelves. She's so selfish. I found out that there are glorious things in the kitchen cabinets, things that rattle and bang, things that "aren't for babies," as usual. Do your cabinets have shelves full of fun and somewhat naughty objects? If you're not sure, I'd be happy to inspect them for you.

As you know, I have a good deal of hair. What you might not know is that, until this week, Mommy had never really brushed my hair. I think she patted my head with her brush a few times over the last 47 weeks, but only now do I possess my very own brush and comb. It's amazing what a little coiffing can accomplish. Mommy was anti-barrette until now, too, but as of this month, I finally get to see past my bangs when she doesn't mind my looking too "girly." I don't expect her to dress me in bows and lace any time soon, but I'm happy to report that she's making progress.


I can see clearly now,
Zelda

Week 46

Dear Zayde,


This week I learned to cruise. Sure, I've taken a ride on your boat, which some might consider my first experience with cruising, but I'm using the word in its pre-toddling sense. For a few weeks, I've been able to stand at the coffee table, place one hand on the couch, and then turn around to place my other hand there, too. That split second of holding onto a piece of furniture with only one hand at a time is exhilarating and has inspired me to try new ways of moving. (That new trick also earned me a sizable blister on each foot thanks to my tendency to shimmy and sway to various musical rhythms.) This week I made the metaphorical (and almost literal) leap that allows me to travel along the entire length of the coffee table. Of course, I only do so when I need to get my hands on someone's cell phone or the remote control. A journey without a destination is a waste of my precious time. I've transferred my new skill to the bookcase in my bedroom and plan to continue the trend with the piano bench in the near future. Please arrange your furniture accordingly so that I can practice cruising with you and Bubbi.

This week I learned about flat tires. The weather has been mighty fine now that the humidity is down from its summertime highs, and when it's not raining, the tropical breeze is a welcome companion during my daily neighborhood walks. One afternoon, Mommy and I were all set to embark upon another epic stroll when we noticed that my BOB jogging stroller wasn't riding quite right. Low and behold, we had a flat. I heard Mommy say another one of those not-so-nice words as she wheeled me back into the house and transferred me (and my toys) to our "regular" stroller. The next day, Mommy and I took the flat tire to a bicycle shop, where a nice man in a greasy shirt sold us a new 16 inch inner tube and was kind enough to inflate it and fit it into our tire. It turns out that our flat was caused by a mighty big thorn. I guess we will have to be more careful when we go off-roading.

I'm learning that Daddy really likes to travel. Not only did he join me for the last two weekends of out-of-state adventures, but right now I'm watching him pack his suitcases again. This time he's traveling "for work," which doesn't sound like much fun, but I guess it must be since Daddy keeps doing it. One of these days, I'm going to sneak into his suitcase and tag along for the ride.

I see that Mommy has left her cell phone unattended on the coffee table. Duty calls!


One step at a time,
Zelda

Week 45

Dear Zayde,


This week I learned that you and Bubbi are not, in fact, everywhere. I also learned the meaning of a "whirlwind vacation."

Just five days after returning from our visit to New Jersey, my parents and I (this time with Grandma!) were back at the airport. (During those five days, I learned that Mommy is a master packer and a feverish laundress. I also learned that it's possible to travel without getting sick, thanks to Mommy's obsessive use of baby wipes and hand sanitizer.) We headed back to the Mid-Atlantic, but this time we visited the historic city of Philadelphia.

I learned that Philadelphia also has many smoke stacks, as well as a bunch of bridges and something called "WaWa," which must be a watering hole for toddlers. The city is full of tall buildings and one way streets and sirens and people wearing much more clothing than they do in Florida.

That first day in Philadelphia, I learned that Andrea and her family live in a beautiful home that would be perfect if only it had a basement. I learned that my cousins have busy lives that require my aunt and uncle to drive them to fields and tracks during the weekends and after school. I also learned that their dog, Charlie, loves to eat crackers right out of my hand. Once she (yes, Charlie is a girl) figured out that I prefer to toss my unwanted food onto the ground, I had a permanent friend.

The next day, I learned that Mommy has "old" friends that live in Philadelphia. I noticed that they ride bikes and eat at sidewalk cafes and tell funny stories about Mommy. We met some of her friends at a magical place called The Please Touch Museum. As its name indicates, the building is full of things that I was allowed to touch. We spent a few hours there with Mommy's friends and their daughter, Kara. Some day I'll be big like Kara and will be able to ride my very own horse on the carousel while wearing a t-shirt that sports the image of a cat drawn with mathematical equations.

Back in West Philly, we let Grandma take a nap while Mommy, Daddy, and I visited Mommy's alma mater. I hear that you attended the same school. I must admit that I was impressed with the ivy covered edifices and the academic atmosphere, but I'm a baby, and I'm impressed by lights turning on and off. Mommy and I posed for pictures in front of the spots on campus that made her feel nostalgic. Then she and Daddy took me up to the top of one of the buildings. We rode a rickety elevator to the third floor of College Hall and then climbed a steep staircase before entering what she called "The Philo Halls." There were people milling around up there, chatting and smiling and even hugging. Mommy seemed truly happy to be there, and she got a far off look in her eyes, as though she were seeing something that happened long ago. I met more of her friends, and everyone commented that I look just like my Mommy. Up there in the Philomathean library, I learned that many buildings outside Florida do not have air conditioning, which I consider a barbaric state of being. Luckily, my parents agreed, and we soon returned to the hotel.

That night I learned that Mommy and Daddy can get dressed up two weekends in a row. I wonder when I will be invited along for one of these fancy evenings and whether I will be required to wear high heels, which Mommy swears are torture devices meant to keep women subservient.

On Sunday, I learned that I have the Greatest Aunt. After packing up all my toys and clothes, as well as the things the grown-ups brought on the trip, we drove across Philadelphia to have brunch with some of your extended family. I saw Uncle Mike and Aunt Helen again, and this time Mike let me honk his nose and grab his beard. We were joined by our cousins, Jackie and Howard, who were kind and shared stories of their grandchildren. The best part of the brunch, however, was meeting my Greatest Aunt. Her name is Esther, and she is Mommy's Great Aunt, which makes her my Greatest Aunt. (That's how Esther explained it to me, and I shall defer to her well-earned wisdom.) Esther has blond hair, just like Mommy and I, and when I tilted my head to get a better look at her, she tilted her head, too. She was so happy that she made me smile and giggle. Then we all ate bagels. It was wonderful!

After brunch, I learned that my parents like to cram as much fun into a vacation as they possibly can. Before heading to the airport, we drove to the oldest part of the city and walked on cobblestone streets amid Colonial row houses. That's where I learned that there are places much older than my neighborhood. I learned that the leaves on not-palm-trees can be colors other than green. As we strolled through the historic district, I saw a lot of people taking pictures of the buildings and foliage. The strange thing is that we didn't go inside any of the museums or historical sites. I saw guards in front of a big brick building called Independence Hall, and Grandma pointed to the signs on the fences and gates that kept us from walking past the sidewalks. There was a sense of missing out on something that clearly annoyed the grown-ups, but then we visited a big red building called the Bourse, and they ate some cheesesteaks (while I munched a cookie and had some milk), and everyone felt much better. Then it was time to head home, where Mommy once again tackled a mountain of laundry.

Now you know how I learned the meaning of "whirlwind vacation." I can't wait to see where Mommy and Daddy are taking me next weekend!


Six states down; forty-four to go,
Zelda

Week 44

Dear Zayde,


This week I learned that you and Bubbi are in New Jersey, too. Just like when we traveled for hours to see you in Maine this summer, Mommy, Daddy, and I embarked upon another grand adventure. We shlepped all our stuff through an airport before and after sitting horribly still for a few hours while a loud droning noise permeated the air. I noticed that airplanes are the only places in which fewer than 100% of the people I meet are excited to see me. I thought that everyone loved babies in all situations, but airplanes seem to be the exceptions to that rule.

I learned that New Jersey has a lot of smoke stacks and never-ending highways. I also learned that Daddy drives rental cars just as fast as he drives his own car and that Mommy loves giving directions. I admit that I was surprised to see you and Bubbi in that new location. You two really get around. It was lovely to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I learned that Aunt Andrea's shoes are just as tasty as Mommy's. I think that's called a "family trait." While visiting with my cousins, I learned that Shane has decided to cover his teeth with shiny metal brackets. He was kind enough to let me reach out and touch them. I guess this is some sort of new hip fad that all the teenagers are into; I wonder if my parents will let me decorate my mouth when I'm older.

That evening I learned that Mommy is in fact capable of letting me play by myself with people who aren't related to us. I was excited when you all dressed in your fancy clothes and let me finally have an evening with my friends Vicky, Annelize, Monica, and those two dashing gentlemen. That group knows how to wear out a baby. We played, ate, soaked, and played some more until I had to regretfully pass out. I may have spent some of that time whining about the impending government shutdown and the Puerto Rican bond crisis, and as I look back on the evening, I wonder if my friends misinterpreted my sadder moments as a commentary on their conversation skills or general entertainment value, and so I must remember the next time we meet to assure them that I simply had heavy thoughts on my mind and otherwise thoroughly enjoyed their company.

When we arrived home, I noticed that Mommy and Daddy did not put away their suitcases, which means that there's another adventure in our near future. Will you be there, too?


I love to fly and it shows,
Zelda