Week 3

Dear Zayde,

This week I learned that Grandma does not, in fact, live with us.  She and her dog, Lenny, apparently live nearby and were only staying here for a couple of weeks to help Mommy and Daddy welcome me to the world.  Everyone seems rather upset about Grandma going home.  I was mostly confused about who would rock me and walk me around the house at 4:00 a.m. after Mommy feeds me.  Now I know that Mommy and Daddy are able to do this quite well.

I also learned this week that what I've been experiencing is called "hiccups."  They are horrendously wretched full body convulsions that plague me after I've finished eating.  Mommy says I am eating too fast, but this torture surely cannot be my fault.  Some unseen evil being must be doing this to me, and the only way to make it stop is to scream very loudly about how unhappy I am.

In fact, the only way to make anything unpleasant go away is to scream.  I learned this week that screaming causes someone to fix my problems.  When I need something, I scream.  In no time, an adult (that's what these giant people are called) picks me up, changes my diaper, feeds me, burps me, and rocks me until I have stopped screaming.  It's a very efficient cause and effect mechanism.  I will continue to use this form of communication because it's been so effective so far.

The most important thing I learned this week, however, is that car rides do not always result in a trip to the doctor.  On Monday, Mommy put me in my car seat, and we did something called "running errands."  I really enjoyed the movement of the car, and when it paused, I let Mommy know that I was unhappy until she put on some good music and we started moving again.  I find the car very relaxing, and it's nice to know that I can enjoy my time on the road without worrying about being poked and prodded by a doctor.  I'm hoping that Mommy refrains from taking me back to that guy who poked my heel and made me get naked on a scale like a side of beef.  Last time I only peed on the scale.  Next time I'll be forced to pull out all the stops.

Looking forward to seeing you again very soon, Zayde.  Now that I'm 21 (days), we can share a glass of that Glenlivet you mentioned.  I'm not teething yet, but I'm sure it would make us all feel a lot better.

Hasta luego,
Z